Born out of sorrow you are not an undercurrent of pain deep down.
I found you in the buds ;
In the morning glory glistening under the sun;
I loved you with all my might in my virulent youth
Trying to capture you in the blue dots and line
Written all over my book.
I keep so jealously.
I painted you with rainbow colours in my western sky;
Humming your tune louder and louder
Bidding goodbye to all the sadness pouring onto me
Deep wound bleeds drip by drip
But I clean it silently.
I am so happy to have you
In the red of my blood
That flows and blows your trumpet ;
Oh my life ;
You are here so I breathe;
I laugh and I cry with my heart’s desire;
Till the hand so black
Snatches you away,
Keeping the flame of love for ever burning in my soul
Be with me smiling all the way
Oh my love, my life.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Born out of sorrow you are not an undercurrent of pain deep down.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
When you left me ,
Fearing I have lost you for ever
looked for you in the stars.
Deep down my heart told me
I was still there in your sky shining along ,
quietly joy crept into my melancholy tune
And my heart sang with ecstacy,
The day you came back,
I found dreams falling apart
broken into thousand pieces.
My heart stood silent and empty.
Devoid of the music that so far filled me;
Thrilled my being with sublime expectation....
Body and soul, pining for your love...
And riding into seventh heaven;
Was gone gone and simply gone ...when....
I was in your arms !
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Your words, have they lost their sting!
Lost your power to make me cry !
I wish you knew the depth that my mind can go
Heaven is where my love thrives!
If my tears could win you over !
I would loath to possess your love then ;
That comes so cheap,
That would shame me for ever.
You stand tall beyond the world.
So, leave me if you wish;
You will still be there shining in my sky
The earth is not where my soul breathes.
Why so eager to see me cry !
My love, you are so precious!
I keep you inside the shell of my heart…
Tears have no place here, so please don’t try…
Friday, April 25, 2008
Where the sky kisses the grass
And when the thunderous cloud blows its trumpet
Echoing the ocean’s call in a rumbling tone-
I wish I was there and not alone
Savouring the redolent earth,
Drenched and heady
With Jasmine, and Champak offering their fragrant wine.
They all seem to be a distant cry
Of a world that once was mine.
Time and again the sea with thousand arms
Rushes back to his sandy beach
Hugging her with all his might
How I wish you were here
Taking me in your arms
And holding me tight
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
I promise, never.
But for ever and ever ,
I would be with you in your dreams and your thoughts.
I won’t let you catch me, my dear.
But I would be there in the books in your hands,
In the lyrics that you love,
In the words that make you laugh and cry.
I would be there in the evening breeze,
To cool you and to hug you as I wish.
No, I won’t ask for favours
But look for me in the pain and the tears that separate us.
At the dead of night
Silently and softly I would mingle in your soul
Sleeping in oblivion.
I promise, I won’t hold you in my arms.
But kindling the flame of hope and desire in my heart
I shall wait for you in the silence of the dark.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
‘Maa, are you coming!’ howled Nitesh not realizing how untimely his request was.
‘leave me alone, will you ? Can’t you manage it for yourself? Do you think I am here only to attend to your whims and calls? Don’t I have the right to live for my own self even for a second in this house?’
Nitesh looked at his father; Mahim raised his eye brows and gave a half smile and bent down again to solve today’s crossword in the Statesman. Angry and frustrated Nitesh started throwing his things in the open suitcase. He will be catching the night train for Jamshedpur.
Kobita , usually a vibrant and jovial soul, always ready to help out people in need, going out of her way to make things easy for others was equally active in household matters. With Kobita around nobody in the house thought of moving his little finger for anything. It was not his fault that Nitesh never took care of his own things, for even if he did try, Kobita was sure to rearrange the whole thing, making all previous exercise futile.
What is it ma? How many times would you make the same mistake? Why don’t you understand, it is no use being a sentimental fool. People don’t take your attitude in the same spirit. When will you grow up!
Nitesh, I am your mother, don’t forget that. And what do you mean by ‘same mistake’. What do you know about it ?
Ok maa, I don’t know anything. But then tell me. Why should you fret and sit with a long face the whole day long. Wait , wait, and why are you home even? You were supposed to collect your books from office , so far I know! Correct ?
This went for the whole evening, till dinner was served and Nitesh left home, happy and smiling with the suitcase nicely packed by Kobita,.
It was early November. It was becoming cooler, the air being a little heavy and misty. The street lights became dusky with the advent of night. Kobita stood before the window looking out into the deserted lane below. A few stray dogs were fighting over a food packet thrown down from any one of the high rises. How can people be so callous, so selfish…
Kobita went there all right and she had indeed collected her books but she wished she did not. It was nearly after three months that she visited her work place that was an indispensable part of her life for these long years. A place she spent her youth, a place she made friends and foes, a place she had grown to love with all her being. She realized with a heavy heart that she would not be walking down this familiar road from the metro station to the steps that led to the building she knew so well. The chowkidar recognized and greeted her while she went inside. She took the lift to the top floor, she was not going to ignore a single one of her colleagues irrespective of their status. She went from floor to floor meeting her colleagues and wanting to touch every single brick that held the huge building, the place that almost became her second home so long. As if she was silently and secretly bidding farewell to the soul of her office.
By the time she came to her very own work place, she was happy and sad for being greeted so well by one and all even after she left the place. She kept her most dear colleagues waiting, only to be with them for the rest of her time today. Her heart missed a beat to see someone strange sitting at her place. She stood at a distance looking at the girl and it seemed the picture was not right. It seemed as if she had witnessed herself seated at the desk as a disembodied soul. The young girl looked up with a questioning look but could not ask anything as Binoy almost burst into the place. Giving Kobita a cursory glance he started discussing some official matter in, it seemed to Kobita, a very affected manner. Was he deliberating ignoring Kobita! But why should he; Kobita was at her wit’s end. She stood a few seconds feeling vulnerable like an intruder, an outsider and then came out in the corridor.
What a pleasant surprise!
Kobita wheeled back and found Arindom laughing down at her, his mischievous eyes dancing and shining with the familiar light.
Come you must have a cup of coffee with me!
Well not really I just had tea with Rupali…. Kobita tried to protest.
So what ! I am not offering you tea.
The next ten minutes Kobita laughed like old times, gulping down the hot coffee. Sudeshna and Tarun joined them shortly and Kobita felt like she was still one of them.
At last she called it a day ”No I must push off; you guys have work to do.”
Don’t forget us yaar, must come once in a while, we are missing you terribly!
Kobita pushed back her chair shook hands and came back to her place and knocked and stood hesitantly at Binoy's door. He was at his table ,as usual, eyes fixed to his computer screen, he looked up, smiled and indicated a chair.
I thought I would take back my books.
Oh of course, sorry I should have sent them to you
No no, it gave me a chance to come and meet you all. How is life!
Well nothing special and with you!
There has been a sea of change .
Hmmm! The new girl is good, have you met her.
Really , that’s good, no I did not have the opportunity.
Well here you are. Binoy pushed a packet containing a few books that belonged to Kobita.
Mahim was fast asleep on his bed. Kobita looked at his sleeping face affectionately and switched off the light and tiptoed back to the window. She found herself crying hopelessly and cursed herself. Pull yourself you fool, she murmured sternly. When she took her farewell three months back, she did not feel the punch . Everybody including Binoy were so emotional ;said such nice things about her , she was really overwhelmed. Yes, she felt sad but she did not realize the loss , like she did today, while standing at the door and looking at her replacement, busy with her computer, her desk, work that was singularly Kobita’s till three months back. She never realized she was so attached to this place, so proud of her role, so fond of her job. She fondly remembered the days she and Binoy would spend hours together discussing tight situations and trying to find way- outs. How often she had to restrain Binoy from taking rash steps. Kobita had the knack of feeling the pulse of the office and Binoy would seek her opinion before taking any major decision concerning the staffers. She thought of the days before the crucial meeting, preparing the notes together and sipping tea. Binoy, like Kobita was so fond of literature and they would never tire of talking about books and authors, sharing their treasure chests.
Kobita looked deep inside, does she want to go back! Not really! She is perfectly happy to be back to where she belonged, her home and her family. But she felt somehow empty, as if a great portion of her life has been chucked off, as if a part of her being had been severed and was lying out of her reach.
She had just lost her most valued friend and colleague, but why, what went wrong , is it because she has lost her utility, because she is of no use to him any more, that he chose to hurt her so, or is it that Binoy was not even aware of her feelings! She doubted it very much.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
He waited with impatience ;
Counting the seconds..
And she came and passed him by ;
Not looking not giving a glance,
He did not know why..
She went from room to room
Chatting and laughing
People cheered her
Every move, gobbled her word like wine..
Unknown to him she kept her night aside for him
She waited for all to go
When she would be free ..
Free to hold his hand
Free to lend him a shoulder
Free to listen and to tell !
Atlast finished and famished
She stood before him expecting to see the
Familiar light in his kind eyes..
He sat in his chair hating himself.
Looking at the door that just let her pass
Without a kind word
Without a friendly glance..
A sharp nail pierced his heart
Thinking of her wounded soul ,
The hurt visibly hanging on her eyes..
The eyes that revealed more than
A thousand word..
But she knew why!!
Saturday, March 29, 2008
She led me with ease on her little finger
I danced on her tune
And made a fool of myself..
I adored her for her angelic looks
Forgetting mine, that drove people away..
Infinitely thankful for being loved
Inspite of my ugliness…
Inspite of all my shortcomings
Years later on the thresh hold of death
I love her more for being with me
All through the dark days
Loving me, giving me strength
Showing me the path that leads to light
For being able to look inside and love myself
For being one with my angel
Living in my soul…..
I wanted to catch her eyes that looked beyond
Eyes that concealed more than what anyone could say ;
Dark clouds gathered on the distant sky
And gusty winds started blowing…
People scattered like fallen leaves
Hurrying across the river bed
To their little huts
That they thought were safe..
I looked at those eyes
laughing dancing and lighting up
Like those flashes beyond the clouds..
Drawing me near with a fierce desire with certain knowledge
Lingering within that “touch her
And you are gone
Gone with the winds
Beyond the clouds
Into the black hole
An ocean of death……..”
Friday, February 8, 2008
And how I wished that it was really so…
When we beg, gold dusts would drop like rain drops
Covering our earth, the green of which is vanishing fast
Behind smoke screens and skyscrapers.
When the sun rises in the morning it looks like a ball of fire;
And so it is; burning us with hunger and thirst
With so little to have, our children die of the fire burning
In their tummy which tap water cannot quell.
I sit in the street corner
Wishing for the gold dust to fall on earth
Passers by drop one or two – only coins they are
And for half a loaf our children fight like wolves…
At a distance I hear comrades cheering their leader
Who fought for the cause of poorest of the poor!
Result bringing in the shower of votes.
How I wish that it was a shower of gold dust covering our path…
Thursday, February 7, 2008
‘Cause we treat them only as a stepping stone.
Arms that cradle become withered with time and
We shrug them off as our burden of bones.
But I paused and looked at the Mirror-
Who am I ? The flower or the seed ;
We stop and sweat and wait for our child
To come of age; with love and delight.-
We let go our train but is it in vain?
Day and night we toil for them
To blossom and prosper-
But in the end, do we want to be thrown in the drain
That holds our parents and their folks too;
The mirror screamed ‘now it is time for YOU
To fall in the ravine that you dug for your old’
It is only you who can rewrite the story
And see a happy new one getting unfold
For you and you, who love your roots
Shall get the fruit of an evergreen tree.
You’ll see rainbows with heavenly hues
Embracing your sky, driving away the blues.
So look at your eyes and say I will not wither
Nor shall I let my roots to rot and die,
The river flows forever and ever;
You take the waves to a new high .