Night of dark shadows

Night of dark shadows



I saw her enter the room. Wow! what a figure. I pretended to be busy with my files. Let her stand there waiting. I mentally laid her flat on the floor. Damn her. Nothing I do seem to touch her by a feather. What is so special about her! They ask me…. my friends? Well that she does not respond to my signals is enough to turn me on. Well even I thought I am taking too much of a time, so I looked up from my files..”Yes, Reema !” I leaned back and raised my eyebrows and gleefully noticed the slight exasperation in her expression..

Here are the details of bills outstanding with our H.O.. Manish said you wanted it. Reema sounded impatient. I was laughing inside. I pushed back my chair and took three quick and long steps and stood just behind her looking down her low-cut neckline ..at the paper in her hand and….. guess what! She stood there red faced and flustered Cool as a cucumber she was not any more but red as an apple and I like eating them just as ripe as she was. Hmm….The devil of a phone started ringing and she left the room. Damn it. The picture of Ranu’s fat bottom hit me in the middle. Curse her! Curse her hunger like a starving Hippo, you feed her and go on feeding her, she would only want more.

Reluctantly I picked up the phone
“It is me, Ranu here!’ the same line every day
“Yes Ranu darling, what is it!”
“You have not taken your lunch box today!” Yesterday it was my blood pressure pill …. the freshly ironed and scented handkerchief, the day before…..
“I was in a hurry darling. Don’t worry I will have something from the office canteen.’
“Be careful, don’t take too much fried things, it is bad for your ulcer”
“Ok darling I would be careful”
“and don’t forget to take your medicine before the meal. It works better that way”
“As you wish Ma’m”

Manish walked in and leaned over my desk with two hands on the table a worried expression in his eyes. Not that Manish was worried about anything, he just have that kind of a face , with drooping lips and sagging jaw lines, he loves to carry on him a sad face. “Why don’t you try Dr. D R Mecheta . She is very good. If you want I can make an appointment for you, she is a very good friend of my sister”

“Well, thanks Manish. I suppose I will have to try her also. But I am seriously thinking of going for a surrogate mother. It is costly, I know, but still worth trying. Don’t you think so?”

“Well, it depends. It is always hard to chose some one for being a surrogate mother to your baby, isn’t it?”

“May be, but I don’t have any choice. If I don’t go for that Ranu is sure to go for adoption. But before that I would like to have a last try. “


What lovely cleavage.. and her skin, oh my …. smooth as butter. She gives me a tingle every time I look down her… you know what!. Baby you just wait and see. The day I catch you, you would simply stick by me. They all do.

I reached for my mobile. Dr Benugopal Majumdar !! I would like to have an appointment with you. If you would be so kind to give me a date .Next Friday.. at 7.45 pm.!! Mr & Mrs Rudraneel Sen . Ok doc. Thanks a lot.


I could imagine what is going on now at my antechamber. That sad-faced weakling would comfort the firebrand Reena with open arms. and there conversation would be something like this.


Oh what a creep; I feeling like slapping him every time I go into his room Reema is sure to exclaim with apparent disgust and I get more turned on when she is in that mood.


I could never have guessed that this chum of mine was head over heals in love with her had I not caught them talking in the following line a few days back.

Manish gave her a sheepish grin. “Most woman melt under his macho gaze and he is not at all used to being ignored by them. So be careful lady”.

What the hell !! He can’t even touch me by my hair…

Don’t tell me you are modern day Sita.

Well, I could if only you’d find a Rama for me.

Reema, you are absolutely nearsighted. Am I not good enough for you. I am the most eligible bachelor in town, trust me. Manish sounded wistful

Reema looked at him sharply . You know Manish how fond I am of you.

But only as a friend. Isn’t it so? Am I so uninteresting Reema. Really, you make my self esteem go down the drain.

Please Manish don’t make it so difficult for me. You know I like you sooooo much.. You are a darling. You would make a very good husband no doubt about it. But you know how it is with my family. Who ever marries me, has to take Bibi in dowry,

Why don’t you put her in an asylum?

Please Manish I don’t want to enter into a debate where no body wins. You know my mind. I am not going to leave my sis in the ditch. You don’t want me to act inhuman –do you? If you want me, you have to accept her. And that is final.

The next few hours both of them would work with utmost concentration carefully avoiding any conversation.

I realized I have a dung headed bloke of a friend who cant even convince the woman he loves that it is a sin, wasting her assets for the sake of an imbecile sister, who should have been in an asylum long back, both for her own good as well as for the society at large.


Had I not done so? Am I not human? I could have kept my brother with me and driven Ranu out of her mind and out of my life. According to that prude , I am a brute, a selfish wolf.. To hell with her. What does she know, what does anybody else know of the sleepless nights I have to spend, the dark days of guilt that I had to bear. What do people know of the dark shadows covering my existence? Was it my fault that my father and mother should beget an imbecile, a half-wit and leave the creature to their able son and go for a joyride heavenwards together or was it towards hell. I still remember the evening the two left for their weekend booze party from which they would invariably return drunk to their toenails in the wee hours of the night, when I slept with my baby brother by my side, clinging to me like a leech. The two would howl like dogs and fight like cats for long until the steam would go out of their flaring nostrils and both of them would slump to their bed like two heavy logs. But that fateful night there was no sound of the car screeching to a sudden halt, the garage gate being opened , heavy footsteps coming up the stairs accompanied by filthy and high pitched abuses. Instead, the police discovered the car in shambles, the front seats smashed with the impact of hitting headway a road roller that was parked at the wrong side of the road. It seemed the car hit the road roller headlong coming in a breakneck speed. Their lifeless bodies were extricated from the mess after carefully cutting door at the driver’s side. I was 21 and my baby brother was only 7 . They had left a fortune for us. A huge house at the posh locality of Manadavile Gardens at south Kolkata. Two cars. A bank locker full of jewelry and a fat pass book.

I had already completed my masters in Economics and finished my MBA with flying colours. My kid brother could never even finish his nursery lessons. He had an ugly gait and impaired speech but otherwise looked normal. Any one who did not notice him for a few minutes would take him to be normal, may be a little odd, may be a little spoilt. His nursemaid handled him with care, dressed and fed him properly and took him out for walks regularly in the afternoon. But he was fanatic in his love for me. Once I was in, he would not let any one come near him. Dada..dada… dada… he would dance like a two year old, clutching my hand.


He showed the first signs of violence, when I introduced Ranu, my bride to him. Ranu was a very loving young woman, full of sympathy for my unfortunate kid brother but he grew violent whenever Ranu made an effort to be friendly. He spurned all her efforts with iron feast. He would deliberately and cunningly spoil her food, her dresses, her cosmetics. The first hurdle was to remove him from my bedroom. His attendant had to fight every night to put him to sleep in his room. He was now grown up , a sixteen year old, and had immense physical power. And I had to replace the frail woman with a sturdy man servant. But like a cunning fox, he would pretend to fall asleep and as soon as the attendant dozed off to sleep, he would come out of the room and start banging on our door. He had an uncanny intuition to chose the time when Ranu and I were in an intimate mood. After one and a half years Ranu gave me the ultimatum, “Either I stay, or your brother”. I could not blame her.

My brother accompanied me to the asylum that would be his home for the rest of his life, like a faithful little dog, putting all his trust in his benefactor, his elder brother, who was more like a father and a mother figure to him. After all the formalities were done, the relevant papers signed, cheques given, I handed over my brother to their custody . The child looked up at me with his big innocent, trusting eyes and haltingly uttered.. dada.. you.. come. Like a butcher I disentangled my hand from his grip . You go in baby… I would come afterwards.

Those halting wards started hunting me day in day out. Dada.. you.. come.. I could not sleep, could not eat.. could not rest and could not work. How could that child live without me. How hurt he must be. Six months went past and I received a letter from them that my brother was in a better state and that I might take him home with me. So one day I set out for the asylum with my car . I did not tell Ranu anything about it. Kid was so happy to see me again. But he seemed changed. He did not come running into me but stood there at the door smiling uncertainly. I opened my arms and embraced him into a bear hug.

The doctors gave me his prescriptions and advised me to keep him away from Ranu as far as possible. Though the kid was far better but after all he was mentally retarded from birth and he regarded me as his sole property. He felt extremely insecure whenever he found me and Ranu together, sensing the intimacy.

I had booked a room at Hotel Seahawk at Digha for two of us and drove our car a few more kilo meters to Digha, the asylum being situated halfway between Kolkata and Digha. We reached the hotel in the afternoon and spent the day watching the sea from our terrace. It was a deluxe room and sea facing. The food was excellent. I ordered all the favourite dishes for my brother. In the evening we went for a walk along the shore . kid was terribly excited to see the roadside stalls. I watched my brother chatter incoherently, so happy, so excited, to be alone with his beloved dada. That night we slept like two children closely embracing each other. We were to leave the hotel in the afternoon so in the morning after breakfast I took Kid to the sea. I jumped into the sea and asked him to sit on the sand. As I guessed rightly , after a while he started coming step by step into the water towards me. Dada.. dada… I .. too .. come. My brother had never been at the seaside and he knew nothing about oceans, its depth, its waves, its enormity and its dangers. But he was very fond of his bathtub in our huge old fashioned bathroom.. I pretended not to hear him and he was already waste deep in water when I spotted the waves coming his way and I saw his two hands searching for mine over the swirling waters.

It was an accident. DO YOU HEAR ME- IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. Nobody blamed me. But the voice had never left me since then. It cries in my sleep, in my waking hours.. in imagination, in my love, in my hatred…… dada…. dada…. dada.

The Sissy

 I heard the voices using abusive language; a door banged, some one groaned. I bolted all the windows but the sound would not cease. The strong scent of incense engulfed me... Beads of perspiration appeared on my forehead, my heart thumping loud inside me, I opened the door and tiptoed out into the passage halting at grandpa's room. Listening to the sound of deep rhythmic breathing calmed my nerves somewhat... I stood a few seconds before Sumi's closed door. My lovely little sister. I tried to keep from getting scared, tried to get my thoughts off some place else, tried to think about days when Sumi would lie beside me whimpering softly, afraid of offending father. I would stroke her curly hair softly, telling stories, trying to put her back to sleep. Those were the days when father would come late, dragging his unsteady feet, smelling heavily of alcohol. He would beat mother, would use filthy language forcing her to his room. I wished I was strong and big and could drive that man out of our life. But I would fall asleep with Sumi on my side, her small frame curled beside me, stains of tear visible on her chubby cheeks.
The day it happened I was at school and was sent home early. I saw gathering of a small crowd before our house. I ran up the stairs and looked for mother but she was nowhere to be seen. I saw Grandpa sitting in a sofa with his face hidden between his hands. "Where is mother?", I cried but no body replied. Grandpa looked up and made me sit by his side. "Your mother is no more" he said gently. Later I learnt that there was a terrible fight between the two, when father declared he was going to leave us and marry Ritu auntie and stormed out of the house. After he left mother went into her room and closed the door from inside. She hanged herself.
We went to the crematorium. I performed her last rites, they said, it is a son's duly. I was twelve... I saw serious looking people talking in hushed voices, scattered all over the place. Then we went up some stairs and saw a kind of platform where three or four bodies were laid in a row of makeshift bamboo stretchers. One of them was my mother. I was suffocated by the scent of heavy incense burning at her side. Extreme terror seized me, my limbs started trembling and all I wanted was to flee from the ghastly place but I had to stay on. The rituals that followed left me weak and exhausted. Every time I touched mother with those burning sticks, I fancied mother flinched, then they pushed her body behind iron doors, into burning flames... I wanted to put my face into mother's bosom and cry but mother was no more. I could not eat or sleep for days and months. Memories of crematorium haunting me. We were shifted to grandpa's house, me and Sumi and we were admitted to new schools, every thing changing about me all on a sudden.
Sumi was developing into a lovely young girl. At times, she would appear a stranger too. "Sumi, my little sister, please do not grow up. I will tell you stories, I would sing lullaby's and put you to sleep, we would play hide and seek, like in the past" I would cry silently. But she was growing up fast. The boys at the street corner would make comments after her, whistling while she passed by and I would feel like throttling them. The punks, the rascals, I would fume inside but I did not have enough courage, afraid they would batter my skinny body to the ground and I would look the other way, sense of hopelessness and frustration making me all the more miserable. I could feel the eyes of the punks piercing my back, sniggering at me. At night the voices would come and keep me awake sleep eluding me. I was loosing appetite feeling tired all the time. I was going down on all fronts. My progress at school hit the bottom. I could not concentrate on anything. Grandpa never reproached me but I knew he too was tired of me. My teachers in school made me feel like a heel and lowly fellow, a good for nothing. They need not try so hard though, 'cause that was exactly what I thought of myself. I was thrown in a dark and miserable world with no one to turn to for help.
But no, there was Chanchal, a local youth I had become friendly with recently. He was a very tough guy, a little rough though and he drinks a lot but the local punks treated him with respect... I liked him Chanchal by my side I could even look at the rascals straight in the eyes, which was a very rare thing that I could do these days. I hid my eyes, the best way to prevent people from guessing what is going in your mind.
I was waiting at the bus stop on my way back from school, when the familiar a face peeped out of the front window of a white Maruti. "Hallow Suman, how are you? Returning from school, I see! And how is your sister and grandpa boy? Come in, I will drop you home" he opened the door and to my horror I found myself sliding into the seat beside him, answering the questions obediently. Father talked to me a lot, asking in detail about me and Sumi. I could not hit back at him, nor could I feel any hatred towards my tormentor. On the contrary, I felt secured by his side in a vague sort of way. I even wished he would come back to us. He dropped me at the corner and drove away and I returned home devastated and hating myself even more. Why should I always be a failure? How could I stoop so low, how could I be such a weakling, letting him use such patronizing tone. That night I was kept awake by all kind of voices condemning me, shame, shame they were saying. I sat crouched in a corner with my back to the wall. I had started feeling my body at places at regular interval to make sure that I was a man. I had a nagging fear at the back of mind that I was going through a sex change and soon turn into a female body. I expressed my fear to some of my friends but the fools either laughed like they were going made or gave me suspicious looks, as if I was speaking through my hat, cracking nasty jokes. My lower abdomen was aching but I dare not open the door, instead I relieved myself in a corner of the room and moped off the mess with an old shirt...
Today, Bishu came. I despise him, a snoopy sort of fellow. He put his nose too close to my ear for my comfort and whispered "Do you know your sister is going out with boys. She is particularly friendly with Chanchal. I saw them coming out of the park after dark...
I waited for Sumi anger boiling inside. So she is going to the parks with Chanchal. How dare they, betraying my trust... . She was coming up the stairs, two at a time when I blocked her way her shoulder length curly black hair surrounding her angelic face, looking as fresh as a flower. "is it true, you are going around with Chanchal?" I demanded. Sumi looked at me with those wonderfully innocent eyes and said defiantly "Yes, so what?' her defiant attitude dampened my spirit somewhat "Don't associate with Chanchal. He is a bad guy" I tried to sound authoritative. Sumi laughed at me with sarcasm "Really! And who are you to tell me that. Look at yourself... You are a spineless creature looking the other way when nasty people comment and whistle at your sister in the street. Chanchal has guts, he can protect me. Don't try to act big brother with me, you Sissy" she screamed at me.
I felt the weakness coming back to my legs. I could feel my face drained of colour, then I felt a sudden rush of blood. I fled to my room like a shooed canine with its tail between its legs. My throat felt dry. There was a terrible pain in my chest. I could not bear it any longer. "My Sumi, my own little sister. I have told you not to grow up. Why did you grow up. You are not my Sumi. You are some one else. How could you be so cruel?"
The night was lonely, everybody slept but me. I came back to my room, bolted the door from inside and brought out the carefully made noose with grandpa's dhoti from under the mattress. I looked at the ceiling fan. It was too high. I could not reach the fan. I took a stool and I tied one corner f the dhoti with the fan and put the noose around my neck and kicked the stool from beneath my feet.

Murmu

The fall from grace

Murmu & mama

Mama was standing before the mirror outlining her beautiful lips with lip liner and then she would put on lipstick. She will take out one of her beautiful earrings and put them on her small ears.. She has combed her short hair into a ponytail and as always, looking ravishing. Murmu thought mama was the best thing on earth, she watched mama’s every move intently as if mesmerized, longing for her warm and affectionate hug waiting patiently in her convertible wheel chair. Mama is looking at her wristwatch with a slight frown. Papa is late again. Little Binu started wailing from his cot and mama got angrier- “Ayah, where are you. The baby is crying.”. The fat woman running like a frog bumped into Papa standing at the door with the car keys dangling from his fingers. Papa went near the baby’s cot and started throwing baby up & down and the baby giggled

Ayah, we will be late tonight. Look after the baby and Murmu? Mama came near and touched Murmu with her soft hands. Murmu could smell her. She tried to smile and reach out. They say Murmu have no expression and do not comprehend anything. How wrong they are as always Murmu cried “mama please doesn’t go. Please don’t leave me. I feel lost without you” Mama looked at Murmu with concern.

Murmu looked at the sky from the window. It is almost lunch time and very cold outside; she shivered. The ayah was looking at Murmu with mean eyes. She hated the disabled child. She came to bed and pulled the cover with a jerk and with disgust written all over she cleaned her. Then deliberately she kept the cover away from reach. Murmu dragged herself to pull the cover with her left hand, the only one that works. She can move her left leg also, but with one leg she cannot walk. Her right arm and leg are thinner and so weak that she could hardly move them.

Mama feeds Murmu breakfast herself and she feeds her so much, generally Murmu does not feel hungry at lunch time;. She picked up her lunch plate from beside bed table and threw it at the ayah, making her shouting abuses. Murmu felt sleepy. The baby is crying. The ayah forgot about Murmu and became busy with the baby. Murmu thought of mama and saw her standing beside Murmu smiling down, looking like a fairy .Murmu slept. There was a jerk, the wheel chair shook and looking up Murmu found Ayah looking down with malice in her eyes, Murmu shrank in her bed feeling wet. She shut her eyes tight and hoped the horrid woman would go away. When Murmu opened eyes again nobody was in sight. She looked out of the window. The sky was no more white. It is now blue, pink and red, the sun was going down.

Murmu looked at baby. Mama’s red wool ball was lying on the ground and baby was bending on the side of the cot, trying to reach it. Sensing danger Murmu instinctively jumped from her chair and fell on the floor. She .crawled inch by inch and grabbed the bed sheet trying hard to haul herself up to baby’s bed but her hand slipped and she fell face down with the bed cover still in her hand, they baby fell on top

“Oh, my, what a little devil you are. You want to kill kid brother. I will tell your papa and see how he treats you”- picking up the baby in one hand Ayah came and pulled Murmu by the hair . Murmu shook herself free , biting into the hand that tried to hurt with all her might. Ayah’s eyes became round and she shrieked, leaving the room with baby in her arm, switching off the lights and locking the door from outside. Murmu started crying, she banged on the door for a long time, then she dragged herself to every corner of the room and pulled , tore and broke every thing that she could lay her hand on

She felt anger and frustration boiling inside making her cry loud- “oh mama, please help me. I want to talk and walk and do things like everybody..” Murmu was still on the floor crying for mama, when they came and stood over her. Papa, anger written large over his face, thundered, “ See what a beastly creature you have begotten. What to do with her? Keep her in a separate room I say. She will kill baby one day I tell you.” Murmu looked at papa with hatred in her heart and shouted, “you go away”. Fortunately for her, papa did not comprehend. Mama stood there her head bowed down, she looked so sad – you know we don’t have any other room & it is not her fault – I had measles when I was carrying. “ “ No more is it my fault. I don’t want to hear any nonsense and remove this creature from my presence.” Papa walked out of the room.. Mama knelt beside Murmu and helped her get up. Murmu clutched mama and started crying out loud- “mama I did not want to hurt baby. True mama, I only wanted to protect mama. “- But all she could do was make some noises. Mama patted her head and put her to bed. The Doctor was called- he gave Murmu some milk and some medicine- Murmu went to sleep with mama holding her hand.

Murmu

Mama & papa are talking of going some place – all of us, some place, far off in some country named CANADA. It is a very cold country, they say. They were making lists of things to buy and were so excited about it all. In between their talk mama would come to me and caress me, calling me sweet names. These days she loves me more than baby. Mama does not go out to office and stays home all day. She plays with me. She has bought some very bright dresses for me but she is packing them all for the journey..

I sat close to mama, clinging on to her arm. I am so happy, we are going for a ride, mama, papa & myself. I sat with mama in the back. Mama made me wear one of the new dresses she bought for me.. We left baby behind with ayah and he made such a noises. I looked at mama and asked why are we leaving baby behind ? mama did not say anything. Instead she looked at me and tears flew from her eyes. Mama is crying- “why mama, please don’t cry. I can’t see you crying. Let us go back and bring baby.” I said. But I mama only embraced me closer. I wiped her tears with my palm. We traveled a for a long time & I loved every bit of the journey as I was sitting so close to mama. At last papa halted and came out of his car seat. Papa carried me to the wheel chair and mama strode by my side. We stopped before a gate covered by tin sheet it seemed to me, noting cloud be seen beyond. Papa knocked and a face peeped out of a small hole. Behind the gate there was a strange house almost like a three storied yellow match box with green borders , We kept going, until we came to the bottom of the stairs. I did not like the place. A woman came down the stairs. She was wearing a white frock and a white cap on her head. She looked at me and I froze. This must be the ayah in disguise. Mama & papa can’t recognize her, but I could,. She is a witch, mama does not know. She has changed her looks, she seems younger and thinner. What is she doing here and how come she came here and changed her dress even before us and where is the baby? Has she eaten him ? Papa put down the luggage and said to mama he will be right back from the office room after arranging all formalities. So this is papa’s office. I felt so confused. Mama and I went together to a big room, the ayah in disguise came with us.. I looked at mama “ she is a witch, mama, she is ayah.” I pointed at the woman.. Mama took my hand in hers and said in a very gentle voice ‘ darling you are not well. You have been naughty and your papa is very angry with you. I have told you not to go near the baby- but no you will not listen. Stay here for some time. These people are nice; they will treat you well. There will be children, with whom you can play. I will come and see you often- until you are well and good. Then I will take you home.” She kissed me and she stood up. She is walking back to the garden to papa, to baby, leaving me behind. She is lying. She will never come back- they are going to some far off place called CANADA. Why are they leaving me behind? I heard the noise of thousand airplanes flying around me. Is some body switching off the lights,? It is becoming so dark. I feel as if a heavy drum is beating inside me. I tried to scream – mama, mama, mama, mama, come back. I wont be naughty again. I promise. Please don’t leave me “- but no sound came . Mama is looking back at me ; two white dressed women guided her out of the room. I saw the door close behind her.


Little Murmu never knew what was her fault- what wrong had she done to call so much wrath from her father. She did not know but, we know, we the people who matters, we the parents, brothers and relatives of such unfortunate kids. Murmu was a girl child with undeveloped brain. If only God made her a boy child, she might not have been abandoned in such a way. If only her mother could have the courage to defend her unfortunate child…if only…..

The outsider

Malati came out of the Doctor's chamber, her heart pounding with joy. Five years of their marriage were barren in the true sense of the word. It was an arranged marriage and Malati could never accept Biman. They were seas apart in character. There was no bondage of love between them at least not from Malati's side. After the third year Malati went to see the Doctor but the doctor found nothing wrong with her. Her proposal that Biman should go for a check up was phew phewed by him.
"What if the doctor says that I am infertile? Would you divorce me? If your answer is yes, I am ready to go for a check up. Otherwise there is no point Malati.Every month she would wait for a certain date hoping for the sign and every time she cried broken hearted.
Biman was busy with his laptop as usual when Malati came and sat by his side. Malati sat quietly studying his profile; a blunt nose, thick and deep brown lips darkened by heavy smoking, thick and bushy eyebrows and a head full of coarse and curly jet black hair. Malati despised the beard that he has grown to cover his receding chin ."I have been to the doctor today Biman. I missed my periods this month.Bimal turned towards her , gaping . His unusually bright and deep set eyes gleaming behind the spectacles.
"You did what.!! Tell me again is it true. Oh Malati,my darling I am so happy. Biman jumped like a child and collected Malati in his arms.
Malati removed herself from his clutches and looked at him with hidden scorn for a long while. Biman was unable to fathom what was going on in her mind as her eyes reflected no emotion. What a woman ' so beautiful, so desirable yet so cold. Biman felt for the umpteenth time.
Biman changed his routine. He became so attentive to all the little things that might affect Malati that it amused her. And the day she was born- the joy that Biman experienced was so obvious. He looked so radiant, almost handsome. What a fool. He thinks he is the father. Never suspecting that she could be unfaithful. But Malati would never forget the night at the beach .
It was a whirlwind affair between RD and Malati, both students of the Art College. That too after her marriage to Biman. It was their last year in college and there was an art convention at Puri that the students attended. It was a night that the two of them stole from the rest of the group.
She is a dreamer. She floats in her dream like a fish in the deep sea. It was a starry night, clear and dark hanging over a dark sea. The waves came bouncing on the shore, a very rough sea. A mystic night, far far away from the mundane world; far away from Biman. He had shattered all romantic dreams that Malati nurtured so lovingly for so many years. Malati stroke lightly the scar on RD's right arm. RD was playing with Malati's hair, long , straight and silky.
"Malati, my Malati- he whispered.
Malati looked up into RDs eyes full of passion desire and love, RD missed a heart beat."Don't look at me thus- I loose all my self control. "
RD spoke in a contrite voice. He missed his canvas, colours and brush. He wanted to catch her in this mood for ever in his drawing.
"But RD I am real and your canvas will only be a shadow.
Malati whispered. RD was startled. Can she read his thought? Again Malati smiled and drew him near.
"Yes I can read your mind. Let's forget everything. Lets enjoy the night; lets go into oblivion- you, me and the sea.
"But Malati, he took her hand in his hands and said, "we cannot keep this going. Think of your husband. I have still not settled in life. I have to go a long way and I am committed to my profession .We will go down the drain Malati- do you really want that. " RD sounded panicked.
"You don't have to think about me and my family. We will not go down the drain RD. Never utter such words. We love each other, like the ocean and the beach, like moonlight and the sky, like the golden sun and the morning that it brings with it. Our love is clear and pure RD. Keep it in your mind and I promise I will never call you again. The art convention will end tomorrow .Let us not waste this night. Let us be one tonight. "¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦A bell was ringing somewhere. Malati came back to the present with a jerk. Jhumpa has come back from school. It is almost 5 in the afternoon. Jhumpa ran past her into Biman's room like a storm, her blue and white school dress fluttering. Papa, papa¦¦¦¦.. She has gone after her mother, the same eyes, same nose and the same heart shaped face. A fair and pretty girl of 12. The joy of the house. But even at this young age she is much more attached to the computer as to her father. Papa's girl, Malati sniggered mentally. What a fool
What an utter fool . Many a time Malati felt like wiping the smug look from his face, but for the sake of her daughter she kept the secret to herself.
"Jhumpa ! go and change your clothes. Take off your shoes and wash your hands and face. You are spoiling the bed.
Malati stood at the door glaring at the duo.
"Why should it bother you ? It is not your bed and papa is happy if I spoil it. Are you not papa?The girl tugged at his shirtsleeves. Malati felt like she has been slapped. Although it is nothing new still it hurts. Malati watched helplessly.
At the dinner table Malati was unusually quiet while father and daughter went on chatting."Stop it, will you, I have a bad headache.
Father and daughter exchanged glances and it did not escape Malati's attention.
What an intolerable situation. Why should her own child go against her? Malati has seen hatred in her daughter' eyes. Malati could not remember when the situation started going out of hand. Malati has always been stern with her but never failed in any of her duties. She has always been particular about all her needs. She considered herself to be a perfect mother. Jhumpa was always close to her father papa. But that she dislikes her was not so apparent earlier and she would not go out of her way to show that she prefers Biman to Malati. The day Malati proposed that Jhumpa be admitted to a drawing class , Jhumpa flared up. "Why do you try to impose your decisions on me! You may like fine arts but I don't. I would rather be a computer wizards like dad. Jhumpa had jumped into his bed.
"You want to be like what ! Your papa! Malati laughed hysterically.
"And what is so funny about it?
That day Malati almost came out with the truth. It was with inhuman control that she put up with the deliberate disobedience shown by her own daughter. But she decided that one day she is definitely going to shatter their world of fantasy. How insolent her child has become. As if she does not know, who is indulging her? Have patience Malati, have patience. She tried to console her very own injured soul.
A small news item in the paper caught her eyes. Bijan Dutta, the famous painter and his wife Sefali adopted a girl child from Mother Teresa. True to their promise they never met after that night although Malati somehow managed to keep herself abreast with his news. She knew that RD married Sefali, one of his students from the arts college. She had a tremendous urge to go and see her but had to restrain herself. That was five years ago. After his marriage Malati stopped collecting news about him but this is interesting. Why should he go for adoption? On an impulse she looked in the directory for his number. More than 12 years has passed.
'Hallo who is there¦the voice sounded impatient.
'Hallo, may I speak to Mr Bijon Dutta, please?'
'Speaking.'' RD, It's me, Malati'. For almost 20 seconds there was no sound and then "Yes Malati , what is it
"RD I would like to meet you. It is very urgent. Please don't say no.
"Okay Malati. 7 in the evening . Same place. Wait for me if I am late.¦¦."Are you happy RD ?
"More so Malati.
"Why did you go for adoption?
"But, that is very personal Malati?
"Sorry I did not want to hurt you. What would you give me if I tell you that you have a daughter of your own?
"I ¦ What¦. Are you mad?
"Why? Have you forgotten the night on the beach?
"No. But I wish I had.
"Don't be rude RD
"Okay, okay. What has that got to do with my having a daughter.
"The next month I got pregnant.
"You have also been sleeping with Biman, Malati
"Stop being an idiot. I was sleeping with Biman for 5 years before that without any result.
"That does not prove anything.
"But I know RD. She is the fruit of our love. For these 12 long years I have seen your daughter blossoming before my eyes like a flower and drifting away from me . She has grown more attached to Biman than to me. Can you imagine RD, my daughter, my own flesh and blood! Who is Biman. He is not even her father. Do you realize the pain I am going through.
"I understand. But it is quite natural; daughters tend to be more attached to their father.
"He is not her father RD.
"Please stop living in a fool's paradise. And stop spoiling your own life. There is still time Malati. Life is not a dream. Go back to Biman. Go back to your home.
"But I can't help hating him. He is so crude, so unromantic, so ordinary.
"In that case you should have gone for a divorce.
"How could I, I was with child, your child RD. You were not prepared for marriage. So I had to stay married to Biman. My child needed a father.
"And Biman is the father of your child. Wait, wait, and listen carefully. You asked me why we went for adoption? It is because I am infertile. Yes Malati, we have visited doctors all over the country. Nothing is wrong with Sefali. The fault lies with me. Sefali is so understanding, poor soul, so loving, so gracious. I love my wife, and I do not want anything to come between us and that includes you. Please do not try to contact me in future.
I am infertile.. infertile. .infertile , love my wife, love my wife, my wife, my wife, do not try to contact me ¦contact me, contact me¦¦.the words echoed all round her, far an near, inside and outside.

What an incredible situation to be in. Who could she turn to now? She felt like a fallen leaf after a storm that cannot go back to the tree.Malati felt as if a heavy stone was lying in her bosom for 12 long years which has been lifted all on a sudden. She felt light and free like the breeze. So she is Biman's child! Let them be. Malati does not belong to that house..Malati heard the sound of waves- the deep sea was calling her again.