baggout Blogging Contest

Tuesday, March 13, 2007


"I love you too much but you do not respond. Actually you do not know me- I mean to say you don't realize how intense my feelings are. I am surprised with myself. Even after so many years, my love for you is as fresh and as young as ever. Why do you act so aloof! Why are you so rude to me? I want to be loved- not just physically but I crave for emotional, sentimental, soft and touch love.. something I can only dream of¦.
This was how Renu started . But she could not proceed further. She felt disgusted with herself. It is no use, no use at all. Renu tore the page from her diary as he has thrown Renu out of his heart! Has he really? Renu pondered over this particular point for some time. Does he possess a heart- of course not biological but atleast something to do with love, affection, emotion and what not. Renu decided against it. Bipin is definitely heartless. Renu could think of a hundred reasons good enough to prove it but she was not in the mood. She has no time. She remembered she had an appointment with the dentist- Dr.Roy Chowdhury. Funny, sort of fellow. How could such a dumb looking chap become a doctor is a wonder- but then he is only a dentist. Renu hoped Dr. Roychowdhury wouldn't keep her waiting for long. The appointment was fixed a 5.30 and it is already 5.15. She brushed her long hair and tied it into a ball, she put on her red chiffon, the latest , presented by her father and studied her reflexion in the mirror.. She was looking pale and not her usual self. She applied a little blush on- . Now she felt confident. Renu took the duplicate key of their flat, locked it and came out in the street. Shs opened the garage and stroked with love their blue Indica, another show of her dear father's affection for her. She never learnt driving though. Typical of her. Bipin is there, he will drive. Bipun did not object in so many words but he did not like the idea also that Renu should learn driving. For Bipin Renu was someone who can cook well, look after their two sons and keep the flat neat and tidy. She is also good in bed. Here also Renu stopped and pondered- is she really good in bed?- then why, they why- what went wrong! Renu suffered so much, suffered in silence. Renu wanted to tell Bipin how much she loved him. In these years of their marriage life she never uttered those words. She felt shy, she felt embarrassed. Bipin is always so casual, so matter of fact. Renu could almost visualize how Bipin would react if Renu expressed such emotions and blushed in shame. Renu rebuked herself- don't be silly. She muttered softly then suddenly became self conscious. But thank God no one was watching. She was still inside the garage.
She came out and pulled down the shutters. Stopping a taxi Renu hopped into it. The Sardarji asked "memshab, kanha jana hai?(lady, where would you like to go).
Renu took a deep breath and suddenly she felt that all she wanted was to be alone- alone with her dreams and fantasies evolving a lovely rainbow in the western sky. A September evening was approaching. The sky has taken a very soft hue of colours all mixed up with pink, blue and golden bringing with them memories of her childhood.
Renu Dear ! come over to our place for a few days. Ritu and her children are also coming. They will be here for a fortnight. It would b nice having you two sisters and your kids spending the pujas with us.
But papa.. You know I can't leave the house even for a day , let alone a week. The housemaid has taken leave and then there are so many other things to be attended to and Bipin has to go to office too. He wont be able to manage all by himself.
Don't be absurd Renu. Bipin is not a child. Your mom used to stay with her family for months together.
But papa you are different. Bipin is not like you- he is so helpless without me. I will go and meet Ritu ofcourse, but stay, I cannot.
Very well child, as you wish. But send my grandsons over- will you.?
Ok papa. They will be delighted
With a sigh Renu put down the receiver in the cradle when Bipin almost pounced on her.
What was that? why did you lie. Who told you I won't be able to manage by myself. You dirty liar. I would be the happiest man on earth to see the back of you. Pack your baggage and off with you this moment.
"Bipin please- not before the kids "Renu pleaded.
Bipin looked at her large eyes filled with dog like devotion and hurt
Oh shit, don't you look at me like that, you dumbbell? Bipin took a step to strike her but restrained himself when he looked at two pairs of terrified eyes clinging on to their mother like parasites.
Oh damn it- he stormed out of the room.
Oh mummy, please come with us to grandpas', pleaded the two in unison in a hushed voice lest they; arouse their father's ire.
Now, don't .. go to sleep like good boys. And don't be naughty at your grandpa's house. I can't leave your father alone, who will look after him, who will cook for him, who will wash his cloths, make his bed- she murmured more to herself, while tucking them to bed.
She came into the bedroom and closed the door softly. Even after putting out the light, she took some time to come to bed.Bipin turned impatiently, and found her warm and soft body naked beside him. The bitch, Bipin murmured under his breath while entering into her. That a woman so dumb, frail and timid could possess so much fire astounded Bipin every time he made love to her. It seems there is an insatiable fire burning inside her, which engulfed Bipin, destroying him, making him feel insufficient. He was never sure that he had conquered her totally.
Two very different souls lay side by side, exhausted and bitter, bound by a common desire.

He She and Love

He winked an eye
Now I shall dieMoaned Love
He had a body of burning passion
Eyes full of fire
She was only a lonely soul
Pining for a heart of gold
Loosing her way in Love’s desire.
The sun was shining in his eyes
The moon in her heart
With downcast eyes
Love standing bySaid
‘Dear here we part’.

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